Rewards for good behavior?

Discussion in Toys, Kids & Baby Stuff started by Peninha • Jul 21, 2014.

  1. Peninha

    PeninhaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Threads:
    294
    Messages:
    1,475
    Likes Received:
    23
    Do you have the habit of buying gifts to reward the good behavior of your kids or do you think that is something that he should do without those gifts? For example, if my kid was being aggressive at school and he managed to correct that, he deserves a special treat no?
     
  2. Athenagdlyt

    AthenagdlytActive Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2013
    Threads:
    47
    Messages:
    406
    Likes Received:
    13
    I don't see anything wrong about reinforcing good behavior as long as you thoroughly explain what the gift or treat is for. Also, capitalize on the topic while you're at it, ask him how he would feel if he were at the other end of his aggression. I don't make it a habit but I do reward them with additional computer time or maybe a new game when I see a total change in behavior towards being a better being to others.
     
  3. Denis Hard

    Denis HardWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2013
    Threads:
    991
    Messages:
    4,335
    Likes Received:
    790
    Positive reinforcement of good behavior like rewards and other treats work much better than punishment to fix problems which would otherwise be difficult to eradicate. I tried that kind of stuff with my 3-yr old niece when she stayed with me and realized that when I promised to get her something good in the evening [I always went shopping each evening] she'd not be that troublesome. Anytime she started acting up, I'd remind her of what she'd miss and that would calm her down instantly.

    It works.
     
  4. Peninha

    PeninhaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Threads:
    294
    Messages:
    1,475
    Likes Received:
    23
    Haha, love the conclusion, it works. I also think it works from time to time, sometimes it's great to give material to make a mark for a special situation, but other times we just have to reward with words and that is more difficult than simply buying something, we are the ones doing the talking, not money. ;)
     
  5. Strykstar

    StrykstarActive Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2014
    Threads:
    140
    Messages:
    721
    Likes Received:
    7
    I think positive reinforcement is a great way to improve your kid's behavior, just be careful to only do it when it's something really big, otherwise he will expect a reward for every single thing he does, and he'd better learn early that that's not how the world works :)
     
  6. Pat

    PatWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2012
    Threads:
    66
    Messages:
    2,725
    Likes Received:
    328
    Positive re-enforcement has to be something the kid values, if not it will not work. I have had one grandson tell me he didn't care if he got the treat or not when he was reminded that if he kept up his current behavior he would miss out. My treat was not important to him, he wanted to keep doing what he was doing.
     
  7. razelia

    razeliaActive Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2012
    Threads:
    30
    Messages:
    260
    Likes Received:
    6
    If there's positive reinforcement, I believe there should be the other side of the coin. There are times when positive reinforcement reaches a point where the kid relies on it too much just to get the treats. I'm not saying it may happen to all children, but it does occur in some. That's why there's always the other side - i.e. the reward isn't ALWAYS there. That, and when they make mistakes, they should have some sort of reprimanding, no matter how small.
     
  8. Peninha

    PeninhaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Threads:
    294
    Messages:
    1,475
    Likes Received:
    23
    Kids are really hard, people say that the best times of our lives are with them and it's true, but they are really intense, they don't listen, they disobey, lol, they make our hair turn gray and they suck all our energy. A smile and kiss from them makes all that go away, but there is no formula for education, just our example.
     
  9. JosieP

    JosiePWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2013
    Threads:
    34
    Messages:
    2,487
    Likes Received:
    436
    It depends on the family and how they are with negative behaviours. In our house, the kids will learn their lessons through natural consequences. Their "punishment" is the negative that comes from their actions and their positive reinforcement is the good that comes from their actions. I've raised them with the utmost respect, so i wouldn't do to them, what I wouldn't do to an adult. People shouldn't be rewarded with money or "stuff" for things that they should be doing naturally. I buy things for my children because they need them or want them, not because they held back from being aggressive. In my opinion, it puts too much importance into material things and seeking the "gold stars" throughout life. But again, it depends on how they're being parented in general.
     
  10. DrRipley

    DrRipleyExpert

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2012
    Threads:
    740
    Messages:
    4,313
    Likes Received:
    315
    I like to do this as well and I do believe it works, but I think it's best to be careful that these gifts don't turn into bribes, because in that case then it wouldn't be much help to the behavior in a long term but instead just as something temporary since whether child gets what he or she wants then he or she will be free to act differently again and it would only serve as practice for the behavior that they will have when they are older.
     
  11. AugustGreig

    AugustGreigMember

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2014
    Threads:
    7
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    0
    Positive reinforcement like this is so much more effective, especially in the long run, than punishing negative behavior is. Something that I liked to do was to keep a box filled with several small items that I would pick up for cheap whenever I came across them. I find a set of ball and jacks on sale, buy it and put it in the box. So then, whenever I was faced with a behavior that I really wanted to reinforce, I was able to do it right then and there on the spot, instead of having to drive to the store and explain it to the child. This is particularly helpful with very young children.
     
  12. jellybean

    jellybeanMember

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2014
    Threads:
    9
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Positive reinforcement, as other have said, can be very effective. However, positive reinforcement doesn't always have to be material. It can be compliments, appreciation, high fives, hugs, etc. If your child would benefit from a visual component to the positive reinforcement try filling up a clear jar with puff balls or glass stones (depending on age) that they get when they have done something well that you would be giving them the verbal positive reinforcement for. You can have a goal for when the jar is full, or half-full depending on how big the jar is, or set your own achievement marks. I like tying these to activities rather than items, such as cooking together, going to the zoo, going to a special park, getting to play with a toy that has been removed when negative behaviors showed up, etc.
     
  13. lizzief79

    lizzief79Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2014
    Threads:
    71
    Messages:
    264
    Likes Received:
    11
    I have four children aged 15, 9, 3 and 16 months. Obviously the baby doesn't display bad behavior yet and he is a bit young to understand a reward system. With the others, if they are good all week, I let them choose a magazine to buy from the local shop on Friday. This encourages them to read too.
     
  14. Peninha

    PeninhaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Threads:
    294
    Messages:
    1,475
    Likes Received:
    23
    Four kids is a lot of work lizzie, I think that you can be called a professional mom? :) I agree that encouragement system is good, simple rewards to make them feel good, but above all fair rewards to them both, so that they don't feel one is getting more than the other.
     
  15. Servace

    ServaceActive Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2014
    Threads:
    6
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    3
    I think positive reinforcement is only a good idea once in a while. I feel like a child will keep expecting more every time they do such as little as picking up a tissue on the floor. They might try to make a room dirty on purpose just to clean it up, so they can get a toy on television that they want.
     
  16. Peninha

    PeninhaWell-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Threads:
    294
    Messages:
    1,475
    Likes Received:
    23
    Verbal positive reinforcements can happen at any time because the child needs to know when we are happy with their behavior, we can't only complain all the time. As for buying something as a positive reinforcement I do agree that this only should happen from time to time, they need to behave without expecting something good in return.
     
  17. jellybean

    jellybeanMember

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2014
    Threads:
    9
    Messages:
    70
    Likes Received:
    0
    Research has shown that for any relationship there should be 5 positive interactions to every 1 negative interaction to have the best results. This can be really hard to do, but simple things like smiles, laughing, and hugs count. Like Peninha said, we can't always complain and be negative, that will only teach our children to do and be the same. If we want them to have a positive attitude it needs to be reinforced from their parents and the other people in their environment.
     
  18. akiii123

    akiii123Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2014
    Threads:
    37
    Messages:
    666
    Likes Received:
    19
    I have the habit of giving rewards to the kids when they behave very well. It makes me and the kids feel very happy. I mostly enjoy giving chocolates and new toys to the kids when they perform exceptionally well in academic. Also, I believe that they perform very well when we decide to give them some kind of incentive for good behaviour or performance. Itis an advantage on both sides and works well for both of us.
     
  19. ExpertAdvice

    ExpertAdviceActive Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Threads:
    181
    Messages:
    635
    Likes Received:
    46
    Great post! I, personally, am not the greatest fan of "over-the-top celebrations" in any form really. I guess you could call me "simple", but I just never really enjoyed much of the "flare and flashiness" that's usually associated with having big and extravagant celebrations.
    And, as you probably guessed it, this same thought process applies for me to the idea of rewarding kids (or anyone for that matter) for their good performance or good behavior. Yes, I do believe that everyone should be commended heartily for his/her improved performance, or for simply "doing the right thing" on occasion, but I don't think that on every occasion in which my child were to behave well, that I should reward such with an material gift, and I'm not saying that those who practice this are wrong per se.
    I think that it's more important to give vocal reinforcements to your kids, letting them know that they will be commended for doing well, but that they should make it a lifestyle, rather than encouraging them to do it for the sole purpose of getting a reward.
    No, it's not necessarily an unavoidable result of giving a child a reward regularly, that they will become "spoilt", but I do think that this particular practice heightens the chance of that happening.
    Gifts and celebrations to reward a child's behavior are both great, but they should be administered in moderation, so that they know the lesson behind the reward, and so that these positive practices that we're rewarding, become them.
     
  20. insertkittyface

    insertkittyfaceActive Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2014
    Threads:
    2
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    1
    I don't really see anything wrong with it, I mean, it does help them understand that they can be rewarded for good behavior. But I wouldn't be doing it all the time because I wouldn't want the child to become spoiled, which they would if you did it every single time they did something worth mentioning.